eatin' good in the neighborhood

Jonathan and I have been doing our best to eat like the locals. No point in living somewhere new if we're going to just have hamburgers every day, after all.

So far this hasn't been too much of a challenge. The food here IS tasty. Practically anything would be once deep-fried and covered in mayonnaise.

Most people here are very thin. And with all the walking, no wonder. At first, when we arrived, I wondered how anyone here would become overweight at all.

Then I discovered something- food here is intensely fattening. The 4 basic food groups here seem to consist of: The Pickled Group, The Mayo Group, The Fried Group, and the Vodka group. Mmm! I can hear my blood pressure going up!

Here are a few examples of common dishes…

First of all, blini. Blini are top dog here. And no wonder, they're tasty. They're essentially thin pancakes, and you can order them will all kinds of things wrapped up in them. Mushrooms, meat, the classic caviar and sour cream, or honey. Besides getting them at restaurants or frozen at the grocery store, there are blini stands all over the place. Yummy.

Also all over the place are bistros. There are several within a block of us. I'm assuming the term bistro was stolen back when Russia was obsessed with all things French. The food is far from French, however. The average bistro has a cooler case with salads on display and a few meat items, and a small menu of more meat options. On average, the meat will be batter-dipped and fried, although occasionally just fried. It will be pre-made, so when you order, they take one out of the case and nuke it for you. Then they put mayonnaise or gravy or whatever fattener you wish all over it. Or they may put the fat inside the meat, such as in chicken kiev. Nothing like cutting open a battered, fried piece of chicken and having butter spurt out. Soooo good. After you've chosen your meat, they almost always ask if you want fries with that. Which you should get. They are thick-cut, tasty fries, usually dripping with whatever sauce is coming off the main dish. The whole plate will be finished off with a garnish of fresh dill. Mmm!

As for the salads... well... produce is pretty hard to come by in these parts. Summer is extremely short, after all. And shipping stuff this far north, well, the fruit usually ends up worse for the wear. I kid you not- I was at a grocery store recently- I saw about a half a cup of raspberries, looking a little over-ripe and mushy, selling for like 250 rubles, which is almost $10. Ouch. This would NOT be a good country to try to be a vegetarian in.

Anyway, there are a few vegetables and fruits which are accessible and decent quality. First of all, mushrooms are everywhere. Cucumbers are very common (and pickles, naturally). Tomatoes, so far, have been surprisingly easy to find. What else... cabbage, carrots, potatoes, radishes, and let's not forget beets!! Bell peppers are somewhat common.. apples and cherries are decent quality and price, but I get the feeling that that's going to be a seasonal thing. Bananas are easy to find... but only if you like them bruised. Good luck finding a firm, green banana. Let's see... yeah, that's about it off the top of my head. Other produce can be found, but you'll pay in time and money.

So back to the salads- there are generally three kinds. One: a salad of beets, hard-boiled egg, and mayo. Two: shredded cabbage and carrots, usually sort of pickled. And three: a fresh-cut tomato, cucumber, and radish salad, usually dressing-free. That's my favorite. It's the only thing you'll find at most bistros that is actually refreshing, which is a necessity during the recent heat wave.

For the most part, despite all the tasty treats surrounding us, we eat at home pretty often. That, and I can't understand what most of the menu says. So I usually pick something random and order it. Forrest Gump was mistaken when talking about boxes of chocolate; after all, most good brands tell you what's in each piece. What he REALLY meant to say was: "Life is like ordering in Russian. You never know what you're gonna get." Of course, whatever type of meat it is will be friend and covered in mayo anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.

A meal at home is typically very light. We've stuck to easily identifiable items at the grocery store so far. Here is a picture of my usual lunch:



What we have here is a sandwich of mustard, cheddar and salami, another of pickled herring, dill, cucumber and bell pepper, some crackers with brie, and a biscuit cookie, filled with orange jelly and covered in dark chocolate. Tasty!

Of course, a meal this light doesn't stick to your ribs much in this heat. Nor do bistro meals when I order something and it turns out to be such a creepy mystery meat that even mayo won't make it appetizing. After several days like that last week, by the time Saturday evening rolled around, Jonathan and I were in the mood for something filling and familiar. We decided to go to Carol's, a chain based in Sweden. We'd read in one of our guidebooks that there were two Carols near us- one by the Ploschad Vostanya metro, and another several blocks up the street on Nevsky Prospect. With map in hand, off we went.

First we arrived at the nearest location, at Ploschad Vostanya, and... nothing. We found the address, but there was no indication that there was or ever had been a restaurant there. We decided to press on to the Nevsky Prospect location. The walk was long... and hot... and as we got closer and closer, our stomachs began to growl audibly. Finally, we neared the address, and discovered... are you ready for this?... that it had been replaced by a McDonald's. Damn.



At this point, we were so hungry, we caved. So much for our avoid-American-food-if-at-all-possible rule. Hamburgers, it was.

Those who say McDonald's is better overseas are somewhat right. I mean, it's still just a hamburger... but definitely fresher. And neater. The Big Mac (or Beeg Mak, if you will) actually looked like it does in ads. Basically, just think of the newest, cleanest McD's you've ever been in, and that's pretty much what it's like. Kind of like McD's in small towns, where the employees still care.

Oh, and the place was PACKED. There were like 8 registers going at once for lines that were 5 people deep. Of course, it was extremely hot out and it's one of the few places with air conditioning... but I get the feeling that it was a love of Americana that brought them in. Which makes me wonder... how weird is it that the world is in perpetual conflict over religion and politics and money... but somehow we can find unity through crappy hamburgers? Planet Earth is a mysterious place.

Anyway, that's my round-up of Russian Food for now. Reports on grocery stores and restaurants still to come...