the Russian Metro

Yesterday Jonathan and I got on the metro for the first time in ages. Over the winter we drove most of the time and lately we've walked everywhere, but yesterday, given terrible traffic and the distance we needed to cover, the metro once more looked to be the most efficient means of transport. However, we forgot about rush hour and arrived at the doors at 6:30 PM, the time when you unfortunately must take part in impressive levels of human compression. Allow me to explain.

Rush hour on the metro is a fascinating display of pushing and shoving. Our metro stop has 5 entry doors but for some reason 3 of them are locked all the time, even at rush hour, so everyone has to go through just two doors. And since Russians cannot handle the concept of waiting in line, they approach these doors from a full 180 degree radius, each trying to cut everyone else off. Consequently, outside the doors you have a gigantic half-sphere glob of human, where, from the moment someone joins the mob behind you, you are being crushed forward from all sides until you pop through the door like a cork. It's as if there's a fire outside and everyone's trying to get in, but the panic level is just low enough that no one dies.

Adding to the fun is the fact that yesterday it was 80 degrees, humid, and the sun was blaring with no shade, so the "line" became a teeming mass of sweaty bodies.

Thankfully, despite appearances from the outside, which would lead you to believe that inside the line is backed up to the door, as soon as you get through the door there's plenty of room to breathe, go to the ticket counter, go through a turn style, even find a place to stand and wait for a friend if needed. It's the most asinine thing I've ever seen. Especially because, what's the rush? There's a train every 3 minutes, minimum. Besides, because the shoving brings the mob to a near-standstill, it ends up taking about 8 minutes to get through the door. So no one's saving any time.

I think the biggest testament to the insanity is the fact that I've lived here for almost one year now, and it still makes my jaw drop after all this time. I hope I still remember how to be civilized after our second year here...

French vs. Italians

It will be a while before I get all my pics back from our delightful trip to Italy and France, so the big ol' blog will have to wait. In the meantime, though, I'm sure you're all chomping at the bit to hear a little about our trip.

As The Onion says, "Stereotypes are a real time saver." So to tell you a bit about our trip and to save you all some time, I've decided to list some gross generalizations that I made about Italians and the French during our trip.

Italians:

Drive mopeds. Like assholes. (But they are still not as bad of drivers as Russians.)

Love Tweety Bird. And Johnny Depp. And Mr. Bean. And Tootsie.

Drink espresso like it's going out of style.

Don't know how to efficiently use subways. Rather than file through the entire car to make more room, they would rather fully press their bodies together to fit more people into the 3 square feet in front of the door.

Really enjoy making out in public. The more people see you with your tongue down your boyfriend's throat, the better.

Make unbelievably good pizza. It could only be a crust and some chopped-up tomatoes. Doesn't matter, it's still mouth-watering. Wasn't impressed by the pasta though, for the most part.

Are baffled by clean-cut men. Jonathan got stared at a lot because he tucks in his shirt and shaves and gets haircuts regularly.

Make the best friggin' gelato.

Never eat anything but croissants and cappucino for breakfast. Even McDonald's doesn't serve anything for breakfat except croissants and coffee.

Speaking of McDonald's, Big Macs in Italy don't have tomatoes on them. Which is really weird, because Italians have incredible tomatoes, and they put them on everything else.

Only about 1/3 of people in Italy are Italians. The place has been completely taken over by tourists.

French people:

Are NOT snobby. Even the waiters. In fact, we found them to be much friendlier than Italian staff. Probably because there are way fewer tourists to get on their nerves.

See their tourist attractions as much as out-of-towners. We heard French everywhere we went. In Italy we mostly heard English.

Have VERY aggressive trinket salesmen. Within the souvenir shops, they leave you alone, but the guys on the street will not take no for an answer. They will even try to put a bracelet on you or stuff something in your pocket to force you to pay for it.

Eat a lot of goat cheese.

Are highly diverse. I've never seen such an integrated society. I mean, in the US of course there are people of all ethnicities, but they seem to stay in clumps. In France it seems like people mingled much more. Which is strange, considering all the talk about how difficult it is for immigrants to assimilate. Speaking of which,

They take potential conflict very seriously. We were there during the elections, and we saw busload after busload of geared-up riot police heading out to protect polls, monuments, the public, etc. Those guys are ready to rumble.

Smoke a lot. The trendy youth seem especially partial to rolling their own.

Look good in flats. The women, I mean. I saw almost no women in high heels the entire trip. It's an entire nation of women in ballet flats. Every woman I saw seemed to be a descendant of Audrey Hepburn- delicate, light on their feet, completely unaware of their casual beauty. The men, too, were easy on the eyes. Of course some would say that about Italians; but, as you might have concluded with the above description of my husband, I prefer the clean-cut look. French men are very crisp. I'm a fan.

Ride bikes everywhere.

Love, well, French people. Not in a snobby way, but an honest, self-confident way. I like it. I think I'm finding myself becoming a Francophile.

So that's my round-up of French and Italians. I hope it painted a picture in your mind. A picture with wide, exaggerated brush strokes.

Competition Story and Results

I recently wrote a story about the Minesweeper competition for the office newsletter. I got sick of everyone asking where I'd been and then going "Huh??" when I told them. But I figured I'd share it with everyone here too so they can get a feel for the thing. :)

This winter our coworkers R. and M. took part in the grueling Road of Life Marathon. It turns out they are not the only masters of stamina. Last weekend, I participated in a marathon of a different kind: the first officially Microsoft-sponsored Minesweeper Competition.

For those of you who don't know, Minesweeper is one of the basic games included on Microsoft Windows software, along with games like solitaire, hearts, and free cell. It was invented in 1989 by Microsoft programmer Robert Donner and has been included with Windows software since version 3.1, with an ever-growing following. The game is a grid of squares under which are hidden bombs. The object of the game is to identify which squares are bombs and clear the rest as quickly as possible. Open squares have numbers in them to help locate the bombs: ie, when a square has a "1" in it, it means that square is touching one bomb; you have to figure out which one. If you don't have it on your computer already, give the game a try here:

http://www.allcleanhumor.com/games//minesweeper/index.shtml

Minesweeper players have been comparing stats for quite some time and three years ago held the first tournament in Budapest. This year Microsoft agreed to sponsor prizes for the winners of Budapest III.

I've played Minesweeper for a long time without taking it too seriously, but when I got an email about the competition, I knew I had to take part. When else would I get the chance to meet other "sweepers" while taking in a beautiful city? I registered, started practicing, and began emailing others who would be attending. Soon I was in Budapest, waiting in the meeting spot for the competition to begin.

The point of the competition is to see who can complete 5 intermediate level games and 5 expert level games in as little time as possible. This is done by having everyone play for 3 hours and then adding up the best win times for each player. Prizes are awarded to those with the lowest combined times. If you don't finish 10 games, you are penalized with a score of 999 seconds for each unfinished game. To be eligible for the competition, you must have an expert level score of less than 100 seconds and an intermediate score of less than 30 seconds; median scores for the competitors were around 60 seconds (expert) and 20 seconds (intermediate). 23 people came from far and wide to compete. There were competitors from Canada, Germany, Russia, France, Poland, Hungary, Denmark, South Africa, Albania and Malaysia, to name a few, as well as myself and one other competitor from the US.

The competition took place in a classroom in an old university. The computers filling the room were linked to a program that compiled scores and posted them live online as well as on a giant screen at the front of the room so everyone could keep track of their standings as they played. Each competitor found a computer and plugged in their own mouse, adjusting speed settings as necessary. Some played warm-up games, others didn't want to jinx themselves and merely surfed the web instead.

As starting time for the competition approached, a nervous buzz began settling over the classroom. People adjusted their monitors, had soda at the ready, turned on their iPods. After a brief discussion of the rules, the score tracking program was turned on at 1:30 PM. The competition had begun!

Immediately the sound of a thousand clicks took over the room; it was a gentle sound, almost like rain. Aside from the mice, there was complete silence, until people started shouting out their scores. "Yes!! 47!!" came from the front, followed by ooos and ahhs throughout the room. There were grumbles of frustration as well, even an occasional swear word; there is a chance factor to the game, so sometimes you have no choice but to guess, causing an otherwise good game to end badly. About 2 hours in, there was one exclamation of shock that turned to joy; the Russian competitor couldn't believe his own eyes when he saw that he'd set a new in-competition world record. For a brief second the clicking stopped as everyone paused to look at the score board; as the scores updated, there were cheers and applause at the sight of his 42-second expert-level score.

As time marched on, some who had completed the necessary 10 games took breaks, stepping outside for fresh air or snacks before coming back to see if they could get better times. Others, like me, struggled valiantly to complete games. Whimpering and hair-pulling increased throughout the room as time ticked away, as some players still had not completed the necessary number of games. In the last minutes, there were a few shouts of joy as the tenth game was finally won; I was not so lucky. I was luckier than one other, who only completed 8 games; I completed 9, and so, I came in 22nd out of 23.

After time was called, contesters sighed and put down their mice. There was much admiring of scores- including the German winner's incredible overall time of 311 seconds (my total time, with the penalty, was 1520) - then group pictures were taken, followed by award presentation. Poor saps like myself got a certificate; 4th, 5th and 6th place each won a new high-tech mouse; and those in 1st, 2nd and 3rd place received a mouse, Windows Vista software, and a golden cup. After the competition, the competitors bonded over dinner and bowling. At least I was not the second-worst bowler there. We finished the day by walking back to town, exhausted but happy.

For those of you who would doubt that exhaustion could arise from a computer game, I challenge you to spend three hours frantically clicking your mouse while your adrenalin is pumping. At the end of the competition, my hand was cramped and shaking, my eyes were watering, and I was starving. But even with my poor placement, the workout was well worth it. The competition was fun, I learned a lot about how to improve my game, and I met a group of really interesting people. English was a second (if not 3rd or 4th) language for nearly everyone there, but we had no problems communicating and had a great time. It was one of the best multi-cultural experiences I've had, not to mention getting to spend time in an incredibly beautiful city.

This August there will be another competition, this time in Vienna. If you're a player or become one soon, I highly recommend you attend! It was definitely one of the coolest things I've ever experienced.